Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
