Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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