I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You smell like stripper and shame
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
