Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
and i looked up. we had an audience...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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