Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
