Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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