I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
