My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
