i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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