i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
