she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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