i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
