There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
did you just send me my own nude
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
