We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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