On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
