before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
