butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
