talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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