i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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