every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
