the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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