Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
