I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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