nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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