Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
