Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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