i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
And then he peed in my hair
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