I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
