Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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