i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
