apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
