I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
