Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes

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(217): View more from Illinois

Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.

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(705): View more from Ontario

I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love

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(843): View more from South Carolina

It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.

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(518): View more from New York

Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair

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(545): View more from

You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.

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(703): View more from Virginia

she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."

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(240): View more from Maryland

So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"

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