he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
