Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
