genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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