This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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