i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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