Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
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