I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize