Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My liver just broke up with me...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
