hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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