I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
