Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Duck Duck Cougar?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
