pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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