I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
