No awkward lesbian experiences without me
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
