Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
