just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
