Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
