this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
