My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
