I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
