1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
