I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
